you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
