Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
