paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
