Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
