I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
