Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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