remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I want to have your abortion
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
