It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
