Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
