You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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