Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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