pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
