i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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