i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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