i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
