he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
