just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
