I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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