it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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