you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
