dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
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I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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