I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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