is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
