do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
