If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
