WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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