Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
