Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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