hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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