Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
40s are totally the cure
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