The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
