apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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