i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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