sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
