Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
