i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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