I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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