i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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