the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
