It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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