Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
