I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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