i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
