For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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