my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
