i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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