White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You were trust falling into bushes
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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