Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
