remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
