Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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