Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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