My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
