The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
