I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
