I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
50% drunk capacity currently
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
