She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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