No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
