Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
