For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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