we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dignity is for republicans.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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