Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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