hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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