Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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