dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
